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The current year signifies a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Back then, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, navigating toward a partner has only become more bewildering – an commonly pointless endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a concerted assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more unhinged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a extensive glossary to the words gen Z is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reaction is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to seeking out someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to couples who forgo having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal habits signaling a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners crazy, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks validate your choice to pursue a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly shut down any feelings of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic act.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {