🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not everyone likes being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?